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Motherhood and Anxieties: A Comment on Hitting

Date: February 12, 2015

This is a blog by a mother about her child’s behaviour at school and her reply to the child to make him the best boy in the world. The incident was all about her child Gorgeous’ trouble making at school by hitting the toilet door while two boys were found together inside the toilet. She realized that best to steer or discipline my children when necessary using reasoning or by displaying anger in a non-violent manner, rather than by hitting. She says that hitting is not the most constructive way to parent and can lead to children expressing their own anger in inappropriate ways such as hitting others and not knowing how to express their frustration appropriately as adults. She also reminds that gentleness with children is part of the sunnah of our beloved Prophet. Now a days the news media channels are continuously streaming stories on child abuse related to sexting and pornography. The government indicates that the development of children is being impacted by an increasingly sexualised environment. Wiping out this bad environment is out of sight. But we can lead our kids in the protected environment with our guidance and affection. And this is a message to all the mothers in this world that moms are the best of their children so that they can share the things or events which hurt them from anywhere and she can cure their wounds of bad feelings.

Precious Gifts a Person Leaves Behind

"The best of what a man leaves behind are three: a righteous child who supplicates for him, ongoing charity the reward of which reaches him, and knowledge that is acted upon after him."

Sunan Ibn Mājah

Angelic Daily Prayers for Generosity

"Every day two angels come down from Heaven and one of them says, 'O Allah! Compensate every person who spends in Your Cause,' and the other (angel) says, 'O Allah! Destroy every miser.'"

Sahih Bukhari

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Pleasurable Parenting: Flexible Reward Chart

Umm Salihah Ahmed, a blog writer and a loving mother tells about a flexible reward chart on pleasurable parenting. The content of the blog can be read in an abridged format as follows: Children are the focus of our life and we are all on the way to parent them in the best lovable and pleasurable way. She is a compassionate devotee of Islam religion and believes that children are the blessings of Allah and thus we have to treat them in a divine way. Just wipe out the feelings of stress, worries, guilty and cruelty and to start dedicating our life to parent our children. We have to understand the faults of our children, so that we can correct them timely. At the same time we can celebrate their strengths, be gentle in the way we guide them and recognise when the right way to discipline requires a loving approach that tries to identify why a child might be rebelling rather than punishment. The best way to have a good parent is to agree with the qualities of our children first and to lead them to a positive approach to life. By accepting the continuous request from her kids, she has prepared a reward chart for them. The chart incorporated nine broad blogcategories of activity that could generate a reward (or merit) and each child had a different coloured dot to identify who did something good. She also added a bar across the top to show weeks from now to the end of the year.

Suicide: The Worst Sin in Islam

This is a wonderful article on suicide and its haram in Islam. The author of this article Saba Malik shares some knowledge he got from a depression mastery seminar by a prominent Muslim Shaykh, eight years back. Suicide is a sin in Islam. But the author still wonders that by knowing the fact that suicide is a bad activity, why Muslims still tries to kill themselves. Once the seminar finished, the author went up and asked the Shaykh that if a Muslim attempts or commits suicide, what happens to him. The Shaykh answered that definitely, he will go to hell. Mental illness, hallucinations, diseases, financial conditions, family problems etc. can cause one to commit suicide. Depression can be treated with some of the tools practiced in our day to day life and concentration. Following steps are helpful to avoid depression. 1. Regular salah 2. Medication 3. Psychotherapy or cognitive behavioral therapy 4. Regular exercise 5. Healthy eating 6. Good sleep hygiene 7. Keeping up with physical hygiene 8. Active and meaningful social relationships 9. Support groups or blog 10.Giving back to your community Dr. Al-Khater says that apart from the above tools, situational depression can be alleviated by practicing the following tools: 1. Using the Islamic creed 2. Doing righteous deeds 3. Offering salah and reciting prayers 4. Contemplating the worst cases 5. Having good opinions 6. Living with a realistic – not idealistic – point of view 7. Behaving well towards other and yourself 8. Having hope Above all, prayer and preach Allah is the best solution to forget the thoughts about committing suicide.

The Month of Safar

The month of Safar is one of the 12 months of the Hijri calendar, the month succeeds Muharram. Safar literally means ‘empty’ or a house that is empty. According to some scholars, it is named because of emptying (Isfaar) of Mecca. People used to travel extensively in this month. Some scholars say that the Arabs believed in the sacredness of the holy months: Dhul Qadha, Dhul Hijjah, Muharram and Rajab. They did not indulge in war or any other crime in theses months and used to wait for such months to be over. In Safar they used to fight other tribes during this month. Among the superstitions of the pre-Islamic days, the month of Safar was considered to be inauspicious and taken as an ill omen. It was believed that the month would bring calamities along with a lot of diseases and economies would be destroyed. The pagans didn’t start any important work or new project in this month. Islam is a religion of truth & veracity. It’s the religion which illuminated the world with belief in Tawheed (Oneness of God, the Exalted) and Risalat (Prophethood). With the emergence of Islam, the superstitions and heresies of all kinds that prevailed at the time of pre-Islamic era, have been ended. Unfortunately, many of the Muslims have imbibed these superstitions. On one hand, omens and bad lucks have been associated with the month and, on the other hand, self-made solutions for such things was proposed as well. Today too, some Muslims are still holding the incorrect beliefs regarding the month of Safar. Some of the erroneous believes are as follows: * A nikah performed in the month of Safar would not be successful. Sayyadina Ali (Radi Allahu anhu) and Sayyiditina Fatima (Radi Allahu anha) got married, in the latter days of Safar 2 A.H. * This month is full of calamities and misfortune. * To commence any important business, venture etc. during this month will be of great loss. * The first to the 13th of Safar is ill-fortune and evil. * A person who distributes food or money on the 13th day of Safar will be saved from its bad luck. What Muslims should do? * Shun all types of erroneous beliefs regarding the month of Safar. * Note that the most unfortunate person is he who disobeys Allah’s commandments e.g. does not perform the five daily Salah etc. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: "Pray, O Allah! - Cause not any of us to be a wretched destitute" Then he asked: "Do you know who is a wretched destitute? " Upon the request of the Sahabah he replied, "A wretched destitute is he who neglects his salaat." (Hadith). * We all should understand that all conditions which befalls us, favorable or unfavorable, good or bad are from Allah, (as a result of our actions). "Whichever misfortune befalls you, it is due to the things your hands have wrought, and He forgives many a sin." (Al-Quran: 42:30). This can be confirmed by the following Hadith: _"I have heard Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) saying, the descending of illness and evil superstition befalling in the month of Safar is not true."_ - Jabir (Radi Allahu anhu) (Muslim) There is nothing ominous in the month of Safar. Evil deeds & incorrect beliefs are ominous and should be given up & repented for. It’s incorrect to delay or postpone marriage or its proposal or a journey, etc. because of such beliefs. Rejecting the fake beliefs of the days of ignorance, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, ‘Belief in ill-omen is Shirk (polytheistic) (thrice he said) and the owl’s ominousness is nothing.’ The Mushriks of Arabia believed that a house near which an owl screeches will be ruined, hence, Rasoolullah Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasallam refuted this belief as false. Then, he said, ‘There is nothing ominous about the Month of Safar’. (Bukhari) The polytheists believed the Month of Safar up to the 13th day to be inauspicious, hence, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) rejected this superstition. It’s therefore wrong for all Muslims, who are the followers of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), to adopt the ways of the non-Muslims and to entertain the very beliefs which he had come to change. May Allah, the Exalted grant all Muslims the ability to accept and practice all the beautiful teachings of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), Aameen.